i was raised in a religion of good and bad doubt was bad to doubt i was being bad iwas bad i was being faith-less in time i learned not to contend i could no longer deny my faiths or doubts Life receives two as one so I contending for faith, doubt arises contending for doubt, faith arises attached to one, attached to two let each be one, no contending look into either, see the other allow either, unite the opposites the heart reunites all things ~ peace, this peace, the converging of waters!
* * *
Like all things temporal, our understanding of God ... must constantly die and be raised to new life.
*Ronald Rolheiser. The Holy Longing.
Yes, our understanding of the Divine and of ourselves need to be in harmony, dying together and living again together. Separating the two, as though in different conceptual departments, this does not lead to harmony. The dying and living, one action. No point of separation within that movement.
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A woman, a worshiper of God, approached the Sage after the evening sharing time. She looked anxious. The Sage noticed this and, pointing to a nearby chair, said, "Sit, dear one; tell me about it." She sat and began, "I've got so many doubts about my faith, when before I had a strong faith. I, at times, have even questioned if God is real and rarely do I sense my Lord's presence. I fear I'm being untrue to my Lord." Replied the Sage, "And what makes you think, dear one, that your God isn't as pleased with your present doubts as your Lord was with your past certainties?"
Could it be...
Could it be that doubts, not certainties, are the truest indicators of the strength of one's faith?
Could it be that there may be more honesty in an ounce of doubt than in a ton of conviction?
Could it be that it takes more faith to live questions than to live answers?
* * *
I sit with it a while. Rub grief between my fingers, Smudge failure on my thighs, Breathe doubt into my lungs.
And when that is okay, I will, again, face the day. More humble, yet more keen. Less certain, yet more real.
*Vironika Tugaleva. The Real of Us.
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