Beautiful Human Being ~ Spiritual Memoir in Prose & Verse
Apr 24, 2018
Clear water all the way to the bottom; a fish swims like a fish. Vast sky transparent throughout; a bird flies like a bird.
*Dogen (1200-1253, founder Soto Zen)
For a long time, I felt I had not "arrived," I was not "there" spiritually - wherever or whatever "there" supposedly is. I felt like a spiritual failure. I could not understand. Why so many years of devoted spiritual practice and profound spiritual epiphanies - dating back to childhood - leaving me feeling largely the same confused and struggling self?
I had thought I would arrive move beyond
little neuroses painful past not-knowing what to do about romance social shyness not feeling known and loved for being myself fear of showing others what I truly believed - especially after being deeply wounded by their fear of the Love I taught and tried to live
all the messed-up stuff personality story not I
Yes, real, relatively
Yes, did not just go away
what did happen?
a new relationship with it all
in some odd and even humorous way, it all became sacred, holy, yes lovely
part of my being the beautiful human being I am becoming to be
So, see, really, you can get saved, be enlightened - whatever you want to call it -, but that does not mean your personality is going to be cleaned all up, is going to shine pristine.
let seep the beauty into the mess, more and more, befriend, celebrate the glory inside the darkness
Love only Love makes such miracles possible
And you can see how all of the mess and mess-ups have made you more human and more kind, more understanding of the bliss and grace of being a human like other humans - more empathic, more sensitive-of-heart, more in love with Life.
So, forget about condemning yourself and trying to reach some ideal you have imposed on yourself ~ only you have the power so to impose and so to say enough.
hug those parts of yourself you wanted to overcome others judged should-not-be ought-to-get-rid-of
cry for all the pain and disappointment, if you need to mourn, if you need, every broken piece of every broken dream you once held close to your heart
do not blush to grieve it all, with no shame you are weeping over it all all those moments, days and years
and let others love you as you all of you too
kiss the wounds you once tried to hide from others, and yourself
say goodbye to feeling you must do anything to get anyone to love you to like you to approve you as you
then, you see the grace of...
seeing yourself as yourself that you could never have known that space of Grace had it not been for being seen as you are loved as you are
then, you find joy in seeing others gracefully with the same eyes of Grace
by embracing yourself, you embrace others and they become to you, so absolutely beautiful just as they are!
I am blessed to be a human among other humans, to know their pain and shame, their joy and their glory, their bliss in living and their fear of dying, their celebrated gains and their mourned losses. I am blessed, to know Love. I am thankful to all who truly saw me and loved me, and forgave me.
I am a bird in boundless sky a fish in infinite ocean, I fly, Oh Yes! I fly! swim and swim waters and expanse for I am, and you too, are we.
*Lotus of the Heart is an interspiritual offering of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, who lives in Florida USA. All work herein, unless the source cited, is by Brian. For permission of use, please send email to firstname.lastname@example.org . Materials are free for referral; if referred, Brian requests notification at the above address.
*Brian is available to lead classes, workshops, or retreats on meditation, centering prayer, experiential prayer, contemplative living, or other themes related to the spiritual life, as well as provide spiritual guidance in-group or one-on-one. For inquiry on the matter, write to Brian at email above. His book, An Ache for Union, is available through major booksellers.
*Dogen quote from Kazuaki Tanahashi and Peter Levitt. The Essential Dogen: Writings of the Great Zen Master.
*Move cursor over pictures for photographer and title.