Lotus of the Heart > Path of Spirit > Humanness and Spiritual Awakening


Beautiful Human Being ~ Spiritual Memoir in Prose & Verse

Apr 24, 2018

Hello, Confusion

Clear water all the way to the bottom;
a fish swims like a fish.
Vast sky transparent throughout;
a bird flies like a bird.

*Dogen (1200-1253, founder Soto Zen)

For a long time, I felt I had not "arrived," I was not "there" spiritually - wherever or whatever "there" supposedly is. I felt like a spiritual failure. I could not understand. Why so many years of devoted spiritual practice and profound spiritual epiphanies - dating back to childhood - leaving me feeling largely the same confused and struggling self?

I had thought
I would arrive
move beyond

little neuroses
painful past
not-knowing what to do about romance
social shyness
not feeling known and loved for being myself
fear of showing others what I truly believed - especially after being deeply wounded by their fear of the Love I taught and tried to live

then, seeing

all the messed-up stuff
not I

real, relatively

did not just go away

what did happen?

a new relationship with
it all

in some odd and even humorous way, it all became
sacred, holy, yes lovely

part of my being
the beautiful human being I am
becoming to be

So, see, really, you can get saved, be enlightened - whatever you want to call it -, but that does not mean your personality is going to be cleaned all up, is going to shine pristine.

let seep the beauty into the mess, more and more,
befriend, celebrate the glory inside the darkness


only Love
makes such miracles possible

And you can see how all of the mess and mess-ups have made you more human and more kind, more understanding of the bliss and grace of being a human like other humans - more empathic, more sensitive-of-heart, more in love with Life.

So, forget about condemning yourself and trying to reach some ideal you have imposed on yourself ~ only you have the power so to impose and so to say enough.

hug those parts of yourself you wanted to overcome
others judged should-not-be

cry for all the pain and disappointment, if you need to
mourn, if you need, every broken piece
of every broken dream
you once held close to your heart

do not blush
to grieve it all, with no shame
you are weeping over it all
all those moments, days and years

and let others love you as you
all of you too

kiss the wounds you once tried to hide
from others, and yourself

say goodbye to feeling you must do anything
to get anyone
to love you
to like you
to approve you as you

then, you see the grace of...

seeing yourself as yourself
that you could never have known
that space of Grace had it not been
for being seen as you are
loved as you are

then, you find joy in seeing others
gracefully with the same eyes of Grace

by embracing yourself, you embrace others
and they become to you, so absolutely beautiful just as they are!

I am blessed to be a human among other humans, to know their pain and shame, their joy and their glory, their bliss in living and their fear of dying, their celebrated gains and their mourned losses. I am blessed, to know Love. I am thankful to all who truly saw me and loved me, and forgave me.

I am a bird in boundless sky
a fish in infinite ocean,
I fly, Oh Yes! I fly!
swim and swim
waters and expanse
for I am, and you too, are we.

*Lotus of the Heart is an interspiritual offering of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, who lives in Florida USA. All work herein, unless the source cited, is by Brian. For permission of use, please send email to 77ahavah77@gmail.com . Materials are free for referral; if referred, Brian requests notification at the above address.

*Brian is available to lead classes, workshops, or retreats on meditation, centering prayer, experiential prayer, contemplative living, or other themes related to the spiritual life, as well as provide spiritual guidance in-group or one-on-one. For inquiry on the matter, write to Brian at email above. His book, An Ache for Union, is available through major booksellers.

*Dogen quote from Kazuaki Tanahashi and Peter Levitt. The Essential Dogen: Writings of the Great Zen Master.

*Move cursor over pictures for photographer and title.


Lotus of the Heart > Path of Spirit > Humanness and Spiritual Awakening

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