This is the eleventh of the series of reflections arising from a month in silence and solitude; the musings invite the reader to explore the Truth for himself or herself. May the writer's reflections be windows to look in, or out, onto the vista of our one Beloved, our deepest, truest Self. Peace! Brian
* * *
Beloved You have made my Heart That of both a devotee And a jnani You alone know how You did that
*Mooji. The Mala of God.
Our journey may lead us to apparent contradictions living inside us. This may not be merely egoic confusion, an inability to decide, to commit.
If we follow a path of awakening, we can expect this may happen. The awakened life is a summons to receive a way thrust upon us, even when we have to grow into it, feeling we naturally are not endowed to follow it. When I received the summons to speak in public gatherings for the Beloved, I was age 15, shy, could not speak before others, not even having knowledge of how to greet persons. I prayed for confirmation of the summons, such was given. Love chose me to do that, no one else would have based on my personality. What Grace calls you to do, Grace graces you to do. No one can give us a way, like, "Here, this, not that, do this, do that, be that." We must listen for the Voice among all voices, the Voice of Our Beloved! So, when other voices are calling you in a direction, the awakening person retreats to hear the Whisper of his or her Lover in the heart. This may agree with what others are saying to you, and often does, or may not. You alone decide.
* * *
We do not choose, having given up personal right to choose, letting that self-choice be consumed in the Fire of Grace. We may appear to choose to others, even think to ourselves that is so for a time. At times, we may look back and see how we were fitting in a destiny given us, while we had been unaware of it. This brings a smile to me. This destiny, also, can be seen both as something placed upon us and arising with all life, fresh each moment, as fresh as the first sense of it. When I was a Christian pastor, in the churches in which I served, we had a rite of remembrance of baptism. Persons would come up, I would sprinkle baptismal waters upon the head, with words, "Remember your baptism, and be thankful." So, we may return again and again to that initial sense of calling and, thereby, honor that moment and be encouraged to be loyal to the summons. Still, the calling is always now, ever-new, pristine through the appearance of time.
* * *
It seems our spiritual path entails living with the tension of the opposites until within they have become one: what Buddhists call thusness. Entering retreat, I saw early the struggle inside between the path of knowing and the path of devotion. These many Teachers separate, and most persons will sense a leading to walk the path of one or the other. Not I.
So, in the Silence of the retreat, for me, was the grateful embrace, the seeing of as though for a first time, that a way had been placed upon me to live the Jnana way and the Bhakti way, to unite the ways of Loving Devotion and Pure Knowingness in this Buddha body, this Christ body. No need anymore to try to discern which of the two, just the joy of this knowing and loving living inside and witnessing to Grace. Thank You, our Beloved! for this knowing, this loving! Amen.
* * *
*All material, unless another source is cited, is authored by the presenter of Lotus of Heart, Brian Kenneth Wilcox, Florida USA. Use of the material is permitted; Brian only requests that credit be given and to be notified at email@example.com .
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union, is available through major booksellers.
*Move cursor over pictures for photographer and title.