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8Finally, all of you should agree and have concern and love for each other. You should also be kind and humble. 9Don't be hateful and insult people just because they are hateful and insult you. Instead, treat everyone with kindness. You are God's chosen ones, and he will bless you. The Scriptures say,
10"Do you really love life?
Do you want to be happy?
Then stop saying cruel things
and quit telling lies.
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Bud Welch lost his twenty-three year old daughter, Julie, in the blast which destroyed the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City, killing one-hundred and sixty-eight persons. In a story entitled, "Where Healing Begins" (Guideposts Magazine, May 1999), Bud tells the the personal journey to forgiveness that began on April 19, 1995.
"From the moment I learned it was a bomb," wrote Bud, "I survived on hate." His anger focused on Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, and like many others, he wanted speedy conviction and execution. When he saw McVeigh's father on television a few months after the bombing, Bud's emotions began to shift for the first time. "Oh, dear God," he remembers thinking, "this man has lost a child, too."
A second turning point in Bud's journey came when he revisited, in January 1996, the site of his daughter's death. Bud spotted an elm tree near where Julie had always parked her car. Despite damage from the bomb, it had survived and sprouted new branches. "The thought that came to me then seemed to have nothing to do with new life," Bud writes. "It was the sudden, certain knowledge that McVeigh's execution would not end my pain."
Bud's advocacy of the death penalty for McVeigh ended shortly, and not without drawing notice. He began receiving invitations to speak about his evolving feelings, and one invitation arrived from Buffalo, the home of McVeigh's father. Bud knew it was time to meet.
On September 5, 1998, Bud Welch found himself in the home of Bill McVeigh. He met Bill's daughter, Jennifer, who reminded Bud of Julie's friends. "We can't change the past," Bud informed Bill and Jennifer, "but we have a choice about the future."
After this visit, Bud launched a campaign to save the elm tree outside the Murrah Building from a bulldozer. The tree was not removed and stands as part of a memorial to the victims of April 19. It also stands as a memorial to Bud Welch's journey from hate to forgiveness
* * *
Bill wrote Mary, kindly asking for some information he needed. The response was a long diatribe of attack on his character ~ paragraph after paragraph of venomous accusation. Bill prayed and sought help from a spiritual advisor on how to respond to Mary. He prayed more. After a time of prayerful discernment, Bill thanked her for the letter, affirmed daily prayers for her, and wished her well.
In a church Robert served, this kind of "hate mail" got going. Finally, he, as pastor, quit reading it, while some persons sent it not only to the church membership but persons in and outside the community. Robert, at last, began referring the letters to his Personnel Chairperson, asking him to file it, and sending a carbon copy to the person who sent the letter ~ to let him or her know that the pastor would no longer read such hate mail. The hate mail campaign was by a disenchanted group in the congregation, a large group manipulated by a few persons, and the hate mail extended into the community by means of a petition. One lady who had not attended the congregation in years, later confessed, "I signed the document, but had no idea of the truth or not of its contents." Many others, likewise, joined in the smear campaign.
* * *
Have you ever been faced with a letter of hatefulness? A campaign of hatefulness? A face-to-face confrontation where someone looks at you in hatefulness?
How you respond to hatefulness involves spiritual discernment. Jesus, however, gives some direct instruction:
38You know that you have been taught, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth" [Exodus 21:24; Leviticus 24:20; Deuteronomy 19:21]. 39But I tell you not to try to get even with a person who has done something to you. When someone slaps your right cheek, turn and let that person slap your other cheek.
*Matthew 5.38-39, CEV
Now, let us hear closely this Jesus wisdom. Jesus contradicts the ancient teaching from Jewish Scripture, the Old Testament. Jesus is saying, "The old way is not my way, even though the old way was sanctioned by Scripture itself."
Jesus teaches us not to try to get even with a person who wrongs us. The Authorized Version has, "But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: ..." Then, "resist" is the Greek anthistemi, "to set over against." "Evil" is the Greek "the evil," (ho) poneros. So, we can read the passage, "Do not set up yourself in opposition to the evil." Or, "Do not return evil with a like evil." And, "Do not get in a tug-of-war with the evil."
Regarding the slapping of the cheek, as in our culture, a slap on the cheek was an insult. Similar in our culture is when someone scorns you, makes fun of you face-to-face. The intent is to be malicious and bring harm through the insult, the belittlement of the other person.
Was Jesus teaching us to let ourselves be abused? Would that not be harmful to the abuser?
One understanding is that, generally, because almost all persons are right-handed, a slap would occur on the left side of a face. To turn the cheek meant turning the left cheek toward the right-hand, meaning that would make it unnatural to the person to slap again. This interpretation combines the wisdom to protect yourself from further abuse, while not retaliating with a like slap.
Other interpreters have read this as to leave oneself open to further harm, without doing anything to stop it. They see this as a profound act of Christian humility.
However, some matters to note. First, I agree with the first interpretation. Jesus does not teach us, as a general rule, to sanction being abused as a personal virtue. In fact, to allow such abuse is not, typically, in the best interest of the abuser.
Second, with either of the above interpretations, the teaching is clear on non-retaliation. No return action is to be retaliatory, and this does not negate, however, a return action of defense are call for reparation when it is in the best interest of all parties.
There is always a higher path and lower path to follow in conflictual contexts. In whatever your response, you are to remain in a non-retaliatory posture. You may, for example, lose your point to louder voices or stronger personalities, or to lies and half-lies, but if you stand against the evil, whatever form it takes against you, you will soon find yourself taking the shape and energy of that evil. The most powerful position against evil, in all forms, is not to accept it, but do not join with it in like feelings and expressions.
Paul, in our opening Scripture, gives some good Jesus-like advice. He writes for us to be "kind and humble." Then, he writes, "Don't be hateful and insult people just because they are hateful and insult you." We are to treat everyone, even those who seek to harm us, "with kindness." Why? The Christian who is seeking to be like Christ wants to act as one of "God's chosen ones."
Now, to a universal spiritual truth. "[H]e will bless you." When you return blessing to one who is malicious toward you, either through direct word or prayer for the person, you open to the domain of blessing. If you join the evil, in whatever form it takes, you join in an unholy alliance with it, and you place yourself in the area of self-cursing, a self-made hell, a space outside the flow of divine blessing and Light.
How to respond to personal attacks differs from situation to situation. A universal spiritual principle is: The response cannot be retaliatory, even if it might prove hurtful. You are to pray to speak and act in love, when when you must speak and act with truth that will be painful. The intent must always be loving service to truth and for the greater good of all, not just one or a few persons. The response must never be simply an investment in protecting your reputation.
Now, is it ever right to defend your reputation? Yes. When? When it arises from a need to guard the good of the whole, not just from a mere desire for others to think good of you. The spiritual Christian has no investment in a reputation for the sake of reputation; he or she can care less. The person does have responsibility, at times, to defend his or her reputation due to the spiritual responsibility he or she has over and with others. In some cases, his or her silence can be an avoidance that is a lack of diligent care for those he or she serves. Sometimes in love, we must bring hurt to a minority of one or more to save the others from a greater hurt and foster a greater good.
* * *
*All identities have been changed in the stories about Bob and Robert, to protect all persons involved.
*OneLife has been a free offering and not asked for donations or fees. However, charitable contributions would be appreciated to assist Brian in the continuance of his work of ministry. For contributions, contact Brian through the Inquiry below.
*Brian's book of mystical love poetry, An Ache for Union: Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major booksellers, or through the Cokesbury on-line store, at www.cokesbury.com .
*Brian K. Wilcox lives with his two beloved dogs, St. Francis and Bandit Ty, in Southwest Florida. He serves the Christ Community United Methodist Church, Punta Gorda, FL. Brian is vowed at Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and inspires others to experience a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused Christianity and renewal of the focus of the Church on addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons, along with empathic relating with other world religions, East and West. Brian has an independent writing, workshop, and retreat ministry, for all spiritual seekers.
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