As I go farther in deeper among mountains looking all I see touches the heart
*Saigyo. Gazing at the Moon: Buddhist Poems of Solitude.
* * *
Someone other than Saigyo might go into the same mountains and never see anything that “touches the heart.” Yet, his “all I see” is a true seeing, not merely a looking at. He is not walking simply to hike the trail, occupy himself since there is nothing better to do at the moment, exercise, or have a nature walk. We could say his walk is sacramental; his walk is a pilgrimage.
Earlier in life, Saigyo might not have seen. He wrote then -
I know that the moon’s light shines less than perfect in this world only because my own eyes are clouded
*Ibid.
Here, likely "moon" refers to awakening nature. In Buddhism, "moon" symbolizes Reality beyond, yet manifesting as, the dualities.
* * *
Are we taught to see? Encouraged to? Are we taught it is possible?
Zen teaches seeing: nothing is merely an object to look at, or upon. You see in communion - with. Otherwise, your eyes are wide open, and you see nothing - nothing is heart-touching. We are trained in secular, materialistic culture to live with “eyes ... clouded” and to deem that natural - like having spiritual cataracts.
And what of "heart"? This is not the emotional; this is deeper, though it does not exclude feeling. So, “heart” can be misleading. What, then, is it? No one can say. You can be touched where no one can say.
* * *
Sometimes, this seeing and heart-touching can be frustrating until one relaxes with the frustration. The frustration comes when one feels one cannot contain the connection, the wonder, and the love. You cannot pour the ocean into a cup.
Sometimes, one may feel little or no feeling, no feeling at least as emotion. Other times, the encounter can be emotional, yet it is not grounded - never is - in the capacity of emotion. The physical body mediates the seeing and heart-touching, but they do not arise from the physical body.
* * *
To nurture innate seeing, one needs space. Greedy cramming of emotional space and time counters this seeing. Openness provides an opening. To nurture is to nurture yourself to welcome, to be the welcoming. A clenched fist cannot hold the flower.
Furthermore, one must allow the wonder of communion to come to oneself. This seeing comes as gift. You do not grab and get gifts. No one owes anyone a gift. You cannot earn a gift. You can invite the wonder of the wonderful. If you try to create the sense of the wonderful, you push it farther away. You, however, can posture yourself to see and receive. Seeing comes invited.
Spiritual practices are designed to tone down the grasping ego so self can receive. So, the paradox of doing doing nothing is essential. Zen Buddhists have long said zazen, or sitting meditation, is useless, yet, thereby, its immense worth.
* * *
Life is brief here? How much time do you want to devote to what is not heart-touching? How can you shape your life to experience seeing and, so, more heart-touching moments? Can you fall in love with the trees? The grasses? Tears? Your drive to and from work? Your coffee mug? Teacup? Simply, can you invite wonder to decorate your everyday, ordinary existence here?
Saigyo, again -
How grave they sound how moving dry leaves tumbled among wintry oaks
