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“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about ... like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
—C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
The journey to own our desire as good, when purified of selfish-interest is a long journey for some of us. I am still on the journey. I am still learning that self-interest is not the same as selfishness; I am still learning that self-denial is only truly unselfishness when balanced with a self-love. Otherwise, self-denial becomes one more selfish act, in which we believe we are being good, right, or holy. Sadly, many persons are brought up in religion that does not make this subtle distinction, and many homes rob children of self-love at an early age.
I awoke one morning to have an epiphany as I stood over my sink. I had been in a relationship and had certain wishes about it. Somehow, I guess, I had wanted to judge my desires, rather than examine them with insightful compassion. If I could put into words the intuitive message I got, it would go something like this: Brian, what you desire, you need to own as good. Do not reject it, judge it, or allow other persons' opinions or wishes to take you away from the good desires and sane wishes you have for yourself.
Yes, that message was liberating. But I, like many in midlife, am learning empathically to feel a compassionate and joyful acceptance of the good desires and wishes within me. I am having to learn to do that even when my deepest wishes differ with the thoughts and opinions of others.
Likewise, I am learning the truth of those words from C. S. Lewis, when he writes, “We are far too easily pleased.” I, like many persons, are learning to know that, being a sacred child of the One, I deserve the best that God has to give. This is not selfish, rather, this is how a healthy Christian needs to feel about herself.
God does not want you to be too easily pleased. God wants to give us deep and wonderful desires, and God wants to see those desires fulfilled for our enjoyment and sharing. A beginning point in this process is gently to accept those desires, affirm them, and ask God to guide and assist in them coming true. For, remember, God will not give you any desire without promising to make a way for its fulfillment.
What are factors that lead children to learn not to trust desire? Is there a good desire you have allowed yourself to judge because persons did not understand it? What good desires do you need to own again and honor? Why is desire often equated with selfishness and sinfulness? Where does desire ultimately come from? Make a list of desires and pray about each one…
OneLife Ministries is a pastoral outreach and nurture ministry of the First United Methodist Church, Fort Meade, FL. For Spiritual Direction, Pastoral Counseling, spiritual formation workshops, Christian meditation retreats, or more information about OneLife, write Rev. Dr. Brian K. Wilcox at briankwilcox@comcast.net.
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