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A Sagely Word
Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.
*Nenri J. M. Nouwen (1932-1996), Contemplative Catholic Educator and Author
Commentary
He calls. I have several things to get done, and already other unexpected visits have put me behind. I have been blessed with each, but now is the third. I listen over the phone. I choose to relax, to give a gift of more time. I, after a while of sharing, hear the relief in his voice. I hear a relaxing sigh, as though a burden has lifted, while he says, “Brian, I think I see what you meant the first time we talked at the café.” He sought peace. He was given time and words, from my life, to open a way that can help him relax, trust, and know that the things that distract him can never be figured out, nor need he need to have the answers that trust does not need to thrive. All trust, finally needs, is Love. I assure him that there are many who claim they have the answers. I reassure him that he need not be distracted by such show of certainty, even by those who get uneasy or angry, for deep down they are covering up a doubt they must hide from themselves by appearing so certain. I assure him that he can relax into his loving Jesus, grow in that love relationship, and give up control of understanding the Mystery. He begins to see, truly feel, what leads to peace. He notes, “I can see that God brought you to me.” He says, “You are more than a pastor to me, you are a friend.” He says, crying and voice breaking, “I love you.”
As a little boy, I would visit my mother and father before going to bed. Their bedroom door would always be open. I would walk in, go to them, and tell each, “I love you.” I did this, but I am not sure why, for we were not a family who spoke such things, unless as a rare exception. I was not shaped by family to be expressive of the words, “I love you.” Nevertheless, it seemed the right and natural thing to say, and often. There was nothing more logical than to go into that bedroom and say, “I love you.”
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Remember Tevye, in “Fiddler on the Roof.” He has just returned from giving his blessing and permission for Perchik to marry his daughter Hodel, even though permission was not sought. He gave permission for it was clear that his daughter loved Perchik. In his effort to explain to his wife, Golde, what, then, was an unusual situation, he finds it useful to inquire of her (he sings to her, actually) if she loves him. He asks Golde if she loves him. Golde, shocked by the question, answers, "Do I what!?" Tevye asks, again, "Do you love me?" Trying to get out of replying, she dismisses him, "You’re a fool!" He will not be deterred, "I know! But do you love me?" She tries to get out of answering by distracting him. Tevye keeps trying to get an answer. Then, she speaks of the duties she has performed for him. That is not enough, either, for her husband is seeking another reply. Finally, she answers, "Do I love him? For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. Twenty five years my bed is his. If that’s not love—what is?" They speak their love for one another, apparently for the first time in twenty-five years. They admit, "It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years it's nice to know."
Love manifests from the subtle to gross in energy. Words are on the spectrum of embodiment and expression of God. Love and Logos are One: Logos is Reasoning Love, Creative Love. Words share the nature of Word. Words are energy. Many persons long to hear the words, “I love you.” They long for this because those words are more than sounds, they are energy. Those words can change a life. Those three words can create a new reality.
Well, you might say, “I show it in many ways.” Then, why do you not say it, too? Are you too proud to say those words? Direct words expressing love need to be given and received among dear friends and family members, often. If you are afraid to say those words, admit that to the person. You can say, “I really don’t know how to say this, but…” “I love you” are three words, but those three words speak of the most wonderful gift in this world.
Likewise, never take those words, “I love you” lightly. We live in a world where many pass around words frivolously. We say them and can act like we can act otherwise and without consequences to us. “I love you,” now that is saying a lot. And that lot can be a lot to live up to and a lot to sacrifice for. No, we do not get love “right.” We cannot get love “right.” But, we, at least, can begin by taking seriously the words we speak to a love, beloved, partner, or friend.
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