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Wisdom Quote
Words from St. Teresa of Avila ...
There is another temptation I have grappled with. Sometimes it lasts for many days. ... Whenever I considered the possibility that the favors the Lord was granting me might become public knowledge, I suffered intensely. My soul became so disturbed that I would have preferred to be buried alive than have people find out about my spiritual experiences. ...
Once, when I was especially worried about this, the Lord spoke to me. "What are you afraid of?" he asked. "Only one of two things could come of it. People will either criticize you are praise you." He explained that the people who believed in the experience would praise him, and those who didn't would condemn me. It wasn't my problem. Either way, the outcome would benefit me, so I shouldn't be anxious.
*Teresa of Avila: The Book of My Life. Trans. M. Starr.
Musing of a Modern Day Contemplative Mystic
My Friend, my Beloved, how can I thank you enough for mystical graces you have given me ~ and still do? I didn't choose this and do not understand why it was chosen for me. My life, likely, without it, would have been much easier. But I am sure it was chosen for me, Christ, to be a channel of reminding others of the immense Love you have for us, every life seen to unseen.
Indeed, I find lack of mystical awareness sadly to limit most persons appreciation of your all-including Love. This brings me active resistance, at times, but mostly simply the sense of not being understood. The worst resistance is being ignored or politely tolerated for being different.
Whatever suffering it has brought, and will, is well-worth knowledge of such Immensity as You Are. This knowledge is of my heart, and there I know intimacy that no one has been able, or can, remove from me. I rejoice in Your Faithfulness!
And how can I tell the sense of aloneness and misunderstanding this has led to, for many years? I thank you. My experience of Mystery has blessed me, that it has blessed you, and what more can I long for but that all I am and do pleases you and in pleasing you draws me more fully into the Heart of Mystery.
I had a profound intellectual vision during meditation today. Such was affirming about my ministry and being who I am. You created us each differently, with unique selves and graces. You show me that we humans are the most blessing to one another when we are true to whom you made us in our variety. You love us through our diversity. Our differences make us special.
My Friend, sometimes accepting who I am, not trying to fit what many think a pastor "should be," is hard ~ after all, how many evangelical mystics are among the clergy. But thank you, for you confirmed within me, today, and over many weeks, who I am is sufficient for what you want me to do.
Somehow, my family and faith did not instill that in me ~ though I do not blame them ~ that feeling and truth that who I am is always sufficient, as well as the unique way you love through my personality and spiritual gifts.
I disown myself. You have given me the gifts that you, in grace, use to honor you and bless others. There are persons who are looking for the Brian you have made me.
May my courage to be true to the unique configuration of my being and gifts for ministry encourage others to be true to what you are making them, also.
Love,
Brian
June 22, 2007
Suggested Reflection
Do you struggle to accept the uniqueness that God has made you?
What are traits that you feel God has given you that you would be true to in serving others in the name of Christ?
Do you have graces or experiences spiritually other persons seem to fear or not understand? If so, what are they?
Is there someone in your life who has especially modeled for you being true to his or her divine uniqueness and, thus, encouraged you by example to do, likewise?
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