When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
*Wayne Dyer
Great spiritual writers have always told us that we should imitate Christ not by trying to look as he looked, or even by trying to do the precise things that he did. Rather we should imitate Christ by trying to feel like he felt, by trying to imitate his motivation, that is, his deep longing for the consummation of everybody and everything in one community of love and peace.
*Ronald Rolheiser. Forgotten Among the Lilies.
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Rodger Kamenetz, in the award-winning The Jew in the Lotus, shares the following about one of the Jews, Jonathan Omer-Man, who went with other Jews and Rodger to visit the Dalai Lama in Dharamsala, home-in-exile of the Tibetan spiritual leader. The scene is a morning gathering, prior to a first visit to the teaching quarters of the Dalai Lama, during dialogue among the visiting group of Jews of varied sects:
A quiet, deeply reflective man, Omer-Man had spent eleven years in Jerusalem studying kabbalah and Jewish meditation. Very soft-spoken, he was often talked over in a conversation, especially in the boisterous exchanges this group engaged in. But he was referring to more than the volume of his voice when he spoke that morning.
"What normally happens to me in this kind of encounter is that through dialogue I learn to see myself through the prism of the other's experience, and I very much want that to happen. Paradoxically, I find it very hard to share my feelings with Jews. I have problems with the number of times I've been told what my experience is." His words would prove prophetic.
Have you ever felt like Omer-Man? Possibly, you have felt least able to communicate your exprience of the Divine with and among those you thought would be most like you, most receptive, most appreciative. Possibly, ironically, you have found deep, spiritual fellowship in the most unlikely places and among the most unlikely persons. Jesus did, too.
Omer-Man speaks to two traits we much need to nurture as spiritual Christians. First, in dialogue we better see ourselves through the experience of the other. Shared experience is always more informative and transformative, for it holds more of Reality than my experience alone.
The "dia" in "dialogue" means "between." In dialogue between-ness happens. "Mono" in "monologue" means "single." In the single-ness there is no between-ness, no sharing with the other. Experience stands solitary.
"To converse" means "to turn with." So, again, in conversation, not mere talking, there is a communion, sharing, give and take.
In Omer-Man's words, dialogue provides a prism. Dialogue forms this crystalline body whose lateral faces meet at edges that are parallel to each other; or, a shape of spiritual joining is formed wherein faces face in equality of being. Justice is acted out in presence, speech, listening, affect, and, sometimes, challenge.
Second, dialogue provides a means for the reverential reception of our experience. In reception is given opportunity for a reshaping and refining of our experience, as well as that of the other.
I was struck, this morning, upon reading these words from Omar-Man: I have problems with the number of times I've been told what my experience is. Another way of saying this is: I have problems with the number of times I've been told what my experience should be.
Now, let us change from "dialogue" and "conversation" to the New Testament word "fellowship." This rich word is koinonia. This Koinonia means "sharing, participation."
In I John the writer speaks of the common fellowship of the early Christian community he shares in, and he wants others to share the fellowship:
We announce to you what we have seen and heard, because we want you also to have fellowship with us. Our fellowship is with God the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ (I John 1.3, NCV).
6 So if we say we have fellowship with God, but we continue living in darkness, we are liars and do not follow the truth.7 But if we live in the light, as God is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other. Then the blood of Jesus, God's Son, cleanses us from every sin (I John 1.6-7, NCV).
Yes, this spiritual dialogue is ideal, but is it always possible? That is, can we choose to have and have, thereby, fellowship with anyone? Here, as often in the spiritual Life, we face challenges and realities that limit the ideal.
The potential of fellowship remains only potential without the essential conditions for it to arise in fruition, even as the potential in a seed cannot come to fruition without the proper environment. This is a spiritual law, reflected in nature all around us. Notice the following from the New Testament:
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial [Satan]? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever (II Corinthians 6.14-15, ESV)?
I see the above instruction as for us overly cautious, somewhat extreme, for it reflects cultural conditions that threatened the newly forming Christian faith. The instruction is shaped by the context. Taken at face value, we end up with an insular way of life that is cult-like, not Christian. Also, Jesus seemed to have more sharing with the irreligious than the religious. Note his words in Matthew 21.31-32:
31 ... You can be sure that tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the kingdom of God before you ever will! 32When John the Baptist showed you how to do right, you would not believe him. But these evil people did believe. And even when you saw what they did, you still would not change your minds and believe (CEV).
In the Matthew passage, Jesus denounces the religious leadership. Would his words be any different, today, to many of us in the religious leadership of the church?
Now, notice what the religious leaders say of his moral character, and his response:
33 "John the Baptist came and did not eat bread or drink wine, and you say, 'He has a demon in him.' 34 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Look at him! He eats too much and drinks too much wine, and he is a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' 35 But wisdom is proved to be right by what it does (Luke 7.33-35, NCV; cf. Matthew 11.18-20)."
The radicality of the Jesus Way was Jesus' openness and reception of the "immoral" in table fellowship. This appears to counter the over-sectarianism of the Corinthians passage above.
Yet, let us not lose the wisdom in the texts on fellowship from I John and II Corinthians. Yes, likely there was, as has been since, Christian communities who have been too insular and exclusivist.
We return to our ideal and reality. There is a basic principle that "light" and "darkness" cannot participate spiritually. Every major world religion, not just Christianity, would affirm this.
There is a basic level of humanness that we can share with anyone, except possibly those persons who have lost all contact with that level of being. That level of interaction Jesus could share with anyone, except, of course, the sectarian religionist. Ironically, Jesus would have been most alone, most unable to share his deep experience of God, at a clergy gathering, not at the rowdy bar on main street.
Yet, spiritually, there is a limited number of others whom we can have koinonia, spiritual participation, with. To try to do otherwise opens us to needless counter influence and disappointment when efforts fail to receive from the other a like spiritual sharing.
As a pastor I have seen much sadness from spouses, usually wives, whose husbands do not share their spiritual life. In my career I have only seen once a husband lack reciprocal sharing.
Yet, this non-sharing can occur even among persons of shared religious faith. I warn my students, early on, in contemplative training, that the new venture might cause problems in their relationship with their husband or wife ~ even if he or she shares the same faith persuasion. Families, like systems generally, want a homeostasis, a shared stability. A spouse getting serious about his or her religious devotion can be upsetting to other members of the family.
Vocationally, the same principle applies. A member of the clergy, like myself, is called upon to have a depth and extent of fellowship, or deep-spiritual sharing, with many persons; an extent to which few others feel God-called to engage in. I have discovered how few persons are prepared to share a life commitment with a clergyperson. A clergyperson's spouse is called upon to share him or her with many persons, frequently, and often on-call twenty-four hours and seven days weekly. I can empathize why few would want that life. I can understand, after thirty-three years of being a clergyperson, why few persons are prepared to accept a spouse sharing that much of himself or herself with others.
Now, applying this all to the contemplative life. The contemplative life can be a very lonely life. The Christian contemplative may find, indeed, the church a very lonely place. The mystical life opens one to a level of intimacy with the Divine that few in the church, even among the clergy, share. This does not mean the other persons do not love God and are not sincere, it simply means that the contemplative chooses to live at a level of intimacy that few others do.
This means, among other matters, two things for the contemplative. First, the contemplative must choose to depend even more on the Divine Presence. That Presence, as I have found, can sustain through the desert of loneliness. He or she is not to disdain the loneliness; that very loneliness is a gift the person gives in love to Love, or God. Second, the contemplative will find that he or she has to withhold much of the devotional experience, for others are often not prepared and will misunderstand. This misunderstanding results in the potential hurt of another or false accusations, such as, the contemplative being heretical, un-Christian, misled, ...
I have found these lessons on spiritual fellowship very hard to learn, as person, family member, spouse, pastor, and mystic. I have been indirectly ignored, directly attacked, publicly ridiculed, privately ridiculed, abandoned, betrayed, told I was damned to hell, lost a career, and lived many moments longing to have someone present I could meet with in deep fellowship.
The opposite is true, also. I have grown to know and be thankful for a depth of oneness with all and All that I would not repent of to regain all the losses that brought me to this point. Remember the writing yesterday, when I referred to the Jewish mystical teaching of the balancing of "God's giving" (chesed)and "God's taking" (gevurah). A truth is here: To enjoy intimate fellowship with the Divine is costly in a culture and religion conventionally religious. The deep fellowship is the gain, the "God's giving," the great loss is the "God's taking." Indeed, the Christian mystic loves the church deeply and struggles with it inwardly as deeply.
Now, back to that word "dialogue." We need dialogue. Wherever we are in the spiritual Way, we need others to share with. We cannot share with all equally, neither should we, but we must share. As we go more wholly into the spiritual Being, we find that, like the Trinity, Life is a profound dialogue. Having others to share in the Spirit is not an option, such is a reflection of the Trinity and the essence of Life Itself.
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*Brian K. Wilcox lives with his two beloved dogs, St. Francis and Bandit Ty, in Southwest Florida. He serves the Christ Community United Methodist Church, Punta Gorda, FL. Brian is vowed at Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and inspires others to experience a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused Christianity and renewal of the focus of the Church on addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons, along with empathic relating with other world religions, East and West. Brian has an independent writing, workshop, and retreat ministry, for all spiritual seekers.
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