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Divine Presence did not deprive you of the operation of sacred Love, but you deprived the Presence of your cooperation. The Presence would never turn from you, if you had not turned from that One's Love. O all-good Love, you do not leave unless left, and you never take away your gifts until we take away our hearts.
*Francis de Sales (1567-1622)
Creating One, you have given me my being of such a nature that it can continually make itself more able to receive your grace and goodness. And this power, which you gave me, wherein I have a living image of you all-powerful power, is free will. By this I can either enlarge or restrict my capacity for your grace.
*Nicholas of Cusa (1401-1464)
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An old tale has a desert nomad who awakened hungry in the middle of the night. He lit a candle. He started to eat dates from a bowl beside his bed. He took a bite of a first date and from one end; seeing a worm in it, he threw it out of the tent. He bit into a second date; he found another worm. He threw this date away, too. Thinking he would not have any dates left to eat, he blew out his candle and quickly ate all the dates.
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Pride, in the sense of an inflated self-focus, or self-importance, turns us from the Light toward the darkness. We turn, often, for we are unwilling to admit a truth, the truth.
The Gospel of John speaks of this willful pride that leads persons to refuse honesty with others and themselves, and with God, the Truth of truth:
This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.
*John 3.19-21, The Message
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I faced a hurtful accusation. My loyalty and honesty, and a core aspect of my character, was claimed to be guilty of something I knew was untrue. I offered to share with the other person what had happened, been said. Rather than saying, "Yes, I would like to hear what happened, really was spoken." The person, turning away, exclaimed in blunt refusal, "I don't have to hear it."
What was that person saying? What we are all, likely, guilty of saying at one time, consciously or unconsciously: "I don't want the truth, a lie fits better what I what to do, feel, and believe." We cannot act like truth is a fit or not-fit matter, like keeping or disposing of a pair of shoes based on how it feels on our feet, or how it looks to us.
"God-light" is linked with exposure to the truth, and this exposure can be what the John Gospel calls a "painful exposure." To accept the God-light means I face, as honest as I can, my past and present, along with the condition of my heart. The God-light shows me reality, truth, rather than fitting in my convenient and self-justifying version of truth. Honesty is not a choice among alternative versions.
If we speak and act truthfully, we have no reason to try fitting reality to a version of reality. The Gospel reads: "But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."
The only way to freedom within ourselves and in relationships is by honesty. Lying only digs a deeper hole. A man, in revival meetings in North Carolina, in which I was one of the evangelists, stood up before the congregation before the closing of the meeting for that night. He was the Music Director. He confessed he had been gossiping about persons in the congregation; he asked for forgiveness. That night, he proved he had been gracefully exposed to the God-light, even if the exposure was initially a painful one.
The writer of James links confession with healing ministry through the Church: "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous [CEV, "innocent"] person has great power and produces wonderful results" (James 5.16, NLT).
When to confess to another person whom you have wronged or not to is a matter of prayerful, spiritual discernment. How to go about confessing is a like matter. Likely, there are situations where it is unwise to address the other person or persons. At other times, we might not be able to move on with our lives without a direct confession.
Regardless, confession is essential. At times, we might discern that only confessing to God is what we need to do. Often, however, we need to confess to someone else, too. Here is where a spiritual director or close spiritual friend can be a person to share with in confidence.
Yet, do not undervalue the need we have, at times, to confess to and seek forgiveness, if needed, from someone directly. By doing so, we may help that person, also, toward healing in a way that would not happen without hearing confession directly from us.
At times, or at some juncture in life, we may need a general life review and confession ~ a yearly retreat of full silence or partial silence is a good setting for this. One may discern this needs to be done with spiritual assistance, rather than in isolation. Doing this life examen can be painful, and we may need spiritual companionship during the process.
By life examen, I mean looking back over our lives and confessing unresolved issues. During many months of a dark night this past year, that night-darkness, which was, ironically, the God-light ~ recall, the purifying God-light feels to our senses and spirit like an oppressive darkness, when the God-light is exposing what within us is not of the God-light (for the contraries cannot in harmony live together) ~ initiated within me a period of deep soul-searching and confessing going back over many past years. I was, finally, ready and able to admit some failures that needed removal from my heart and mind.
I have discovered confession to be liberating, more so as I have gone farther along the spiritual Way. Not only liberating, but sweet, as I have, furthermore, experienced the pain of denying the obscuration of my heart and mind, at times. I can feel the cleansing of joy, while I sit in meditation and confess silently my sin, as well as sensing the bliss of forgiving the other person or persons. I cannot free anyone by forgiving myself on their behalf, but I can join with the Spirit in freeing myself through confession.
What helped me get to this point of sweet confession, among other matters, is growing to understand that feeling guilty is often the work of the God-light offering to clean out what keeps me from Love, Joy, and Peace. This harsh exposure is an exposure-by-and-in-Love: "Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself," taught John Vianney. St. Augustine wrote, "True, whole prayer is nothing but love."
Love wants you and me free and clean within, and the same Love wants that for any who have wronged us. We cannot claim the gift of forgiveness, without the willingness to forgive. If I will to keep another person bound to my resentment, that act of resentment, even if unspoken, binds me.
This God-light is not punishing us or aiming to make our lives miserable or to prove we are unfit, or misfits. The God-light is Loving Intelligence seeking to free us from the darkness of denial, seeking to turn us toward the Light that is healing and will grace us to forgive anyone who has brought hurt to us.
In short, there is no way to live as a spiritual person and enjoy fellowship with Christ without facing and confessing the truth about ourselves, regardless of how painful the exposure, and offering forgiveness to others. And we cannot forgive others rightly without forgiving ourselves rightly.
Read and meditate on Psalm 51. What in the psalm speaks to you most? Is there a particular word, phrase, or verse that speaks especially to you? Do you need to seek forgiveness about anything?
In visualizing meditation, go to Christ, in whatever scene you choose. Let appear beside you and before Christ a person you have not forgiven. Within the presences of Christ and the person, tell Christ you need help to forgive and affirm that you are willing. Look at the person, affirm to him or her that you will forgive, that you are ready to be helped to do that. Turn to Christ, offering thanks for the grace to forgive.... Continue, and daily, to work on forgiving the person, through prayer and meditation, until you sense a certainty that you have forgiven. If you seem unable to forgive, seek out out a spiritual director or close spiritual friend to work with you in confidence. Consider, in some way, by phone or letter ..., expressing forgiveness to the person. If you wish to be forgiven by him or her, and do not think she or he has done so, request forgiveness. If you need to do into any detail on how you hurt the person, do that, or simply remain with a general confession. Do not confess any specifics just to make you feel better or out of a sense of duty; only confess, at all and any specifics, for the good of both you and the person. Again, prayerfully discern what is or is not to be done.
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*Quotes from de Sales and Cusa from Aldous Huxley. The Perennial Philosophy. Quotes from Vianney and Augustine from www.stjohnadulted.org/prayer/htm [accessed July 18, 2008]. I have modernized the quotes.
*OneLife has been a free offering and not asked for donations or fees. However, charitable contributions would be appreciated to assist Brian in the continuance of his work of ministry. For contributions, contact Brian through the Inquiry below.
*Brian's book of mystical love poetry, An Ache for Union: Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major booksellers, or through the Cokesbury on-line store, at www.cokesbury.com .
*Brian K. Wilcox lives with his two beloved dogs, St. Francis and Bandit Ty, in Southwest Florida. He serves the Christ Community United Methodist Church, Punta Gorda, FL. Brian is vowed at Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and inspires others to experience a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused Christianity and renewal of the focus of the Church on addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons, along with empathic relating with other world religions, East and West. Brian has an independent writing, workshop, and retreat ministry, for all spiritual seekers.
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