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I can always find someone
to say they sympathize.
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve.
But I don't want some pretty face
to tell me pretty lies.
All I want is someone to believe.
Honesty is such a lonely word.
Everyone is so untrue.
Honesty is hardly ever heard.
And mostly what I need from you.
*Lyrics from Billy Joel, "Honesty" (Stanza 2, Chorus)
* * *
Jazz musician Billy Tipton was a gifted pianist and saxophonist. He started playing during the big-band era of the 1930s.
Time magazine reported that Tipton had a few oddities. He refused to give his social security number to his booking agent. His three adopted sons could not recollect a time their dad went swimming with them. Tipton would never go to a doctor, even when seriously ill.
Tipton died in 1989, at aged seventy-four. The family found out the reasons for some of the oddities of Tipton, for the funeral director informed the family he was a woman. Tipton began living disguised as a man, for in the big band era, women could sing but rarely play.
* * *
The story above speaks of two wrongs. One, sexism. The other, living dishonestly. And, surely, we could debate the rightness or wrongness of Tipton's hiding her sexual identity, seeing in ethics we posit a scale of good and evil, and at times one can appeal to a higher principle to enact what otherwise would be a wrong.
Yet, still, Tipton hid a central part of who she was from persons who dearly loved her. Hiding sexual identity is much more than coloring your brunette hair blond, for example. Also, likely, persons close to her were eventually hurt in subtle ways before her death and after her death in much less than subtle ways, due to her not being honest with them. Ambition to play in a band was more important to Tipton than being who she really was with those close to her.
The Christian editor Craig Brian Larson observes, "No matter what a person's motives are for lying, when the truth comes out, confusion, hurt, and shame are inescapable." See, lying is not simply a matter of personal choice, one we can make to make our lives less painful and more convenient. I cannot say, "Well, my lie will only hurt me." Yes, lies used to protect others come back to hurt them more, when the truth comes out.
The Psalmist, admitting his wrong to Divine Love, says: "You want me to be completely truthful, so teach me wisdom" (Psalm 51.6, CEV). Have you felt the relief that comes after complete honesty in prayer to Divine Love?
The sage, in Proverbs 12.19, writes of the durability of truth and fragility of dishonesty. He writes, "Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed" (NLT).
The writer of Colossians 3.8-10 writes of shedding lying, along with other harmful acts: 8But now you must stop doing such things. You must quit being angry, hateful, and evil. You must no longer say insulting or cruel things about others. 9And stop lying to each other. You have given up your old way of life with its habits. 10Each of you is now a new person. You are becoming more and more like your Creator, and you will understand him better" (CEV).
Is it possible ever rightly to speak an untruth for a higher good? Explain
Have you ever told the truth at great personal cost, later to look back and be glad you did? Explain.
What does it mean to affirm that lying is a social sin, not merely a personal choice?
Paul gives as a motive your being a "new person." What do you think he means by "new person?" How would that affect your decisions about speaking truth or falsehood?
Has someone you loved hurt you deeply by telling a lie about you? What did that feel like? How did you respond? Would you respond the same way, now? Or differently? Explain.
* * *
*The opening story and Larson quote is from Contemporary Illustrations for Preachers, Teachers, & Writers.
*OneLife has been a free offering and not asked for donations or fees. However, charitable contributions would be appreciated to assist Brian in the continuance of his work of ministry. For contributions, contact Brian through the Inquiry below.
*Brian's book of mystical love poetry, An Ache for Union: Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major booksellers, or through the Cokesbury on-line store, at www.cokesbury.com .
*Brian K. Wilcox lives with his two beloved dogs, St. Francis and Bandit Ty, in Southwest Florida. He serves the Christ Community United Methodist Church, Punta Gorda, FL. Brian is vowed at Greenbough House of Prayer, a contemplative Christian community in South Georgia. He lives a contemplative life and inspires others to experience a more intimate relationship with Christ. Brian advocates for a spiritually-focused Christianity and renewal of the focus of the Church on addressing the deeper spiritual needs and longings of persons, along with empathic relating with other world religions, East and West. Brian has an independent writing, workshop, and retreat ministry, for all spiritual seekers.
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