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Thomas Merton writes, “To really know our ‘nothingness’ we must also love it. And we cannot love it unless we see that it is good. And we cannot see that it is good unless we accept it” (Aileen Taylor, ed., Thomas Merton).
The danger of much that goes under the name spirituality is that it entails a rejection of, a lack of honoring, a failure to respect our basic “nothingness.” This kind of spirituality is bound to lead to a projection of a false goodness. Likewise, it leads so-called spiritual persons to appear “unreal” to others, for “real” persons are open to the experience of their “nothingness.”
But what is this “nothingness”? Nothingness is the emptiness so stressed in contemplative Christianity. Nothingness pertains to our essential limitation, our inability to transcend the innate natural bounds that pertain to living in human flesh.
Recently, I was challenged to fulfill some requirements by a certain deadline. For days I struggled to proceed. Then, when I started proceeding, a point came in which I seemed to meet my limitations. My general ego strength pressured me to fulfill my ideal, but mind and body were too exhausted to meet the deadline. Likewise, I was working with illness in my family, had made a major move in the last months, and was getting used to a new pastorate, …
I called up a dear friend who listened with compassion. After a time I felt my anxiety shift into a subtle, relaxed sense of peace. I felt a shift from fighting against my limitations to being gentle with myself had happened during the conversation. I admitted to her, “What has happened is I have come up against my limitations.” In Merton’s language I had come up against my nothingness.
At the point of our nothingness, we can relax, and knowing we have to operate within our innate human and situational limitations can lead us to Grace. And, when in Grace, we find ourselves graceful, as we discontinue working against our nothingness and realize, as Merton teaches, that our nothingness is not a sign of weakness or laziness or inability. Indeed, our nothingness is not something to change; our nothingness is good, a gift of our nature. Our nothingness reminds us to respect our boundaries, our limitations. In essence, nothingness is a reminder that we are not God and do not need to feel guilty or apologize that we are not God. Neither do we have to apologize to others for our innate limitations. Rather, respecting the wisdom in nature, we can thank God for our nothingness, our limitations.
Spiritual Exercise
1. Have you ever relaxed into your limitations gracefully, accepting that you could not be or do what others expected of you? What did that feel like?
2. Do you find it easier to accept the limitations of others or your own limitations? Explain.
3. How does the teaching of our “nothingness,” or “innate limitations,” relate to Grace, gracefulness, and balance?
4. Do you give enough time to rest for the body and mind? How?
Prayer
As I get older, I get wiser about what my mind and body can and cannot do. I am learning to respect how I am limited by circumstances and other factors beyond my control. Teach me to enjoy the Grace that grants peace at the point of my nothingness and, thereby, to treat myself more gracefully. Teach me better how not to be critical of myself; teach me to accept the compliments of others more readily, also. Teach me to respect myself enough to know my body needs plenty of rest and my mind rest, too, to be healthy and ready to enjoy life and, likewise, serving others. Amen.
*Brian K. Wilcox
OneLife Ministries is a pastoral outreach and nurture ministry of the First United Methodist Church, Fort Meade, FL. For Spiritual Direction, Pastoral Counseling, spiritual formation workshops, Christian meditation retreats, or more information about OneLife, write Rev. Dr. Brian K. Wilcox at briankwilcox@comcast.net.
Brian's book of mystical love poetry, An Ache for Union, can be ordered through major bookdealers.
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