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See, I must share this, as best I can in words. But, words cannot contain the bliss I feel. Brian, maybe like you, often feels that something he lacks is what he wants, and his mind can focus on that sense of lack or disappointment. But, there are graced moments in my life, wherein all sense of lack is extinguished in a living Flame of Fulfillment, a pure Self-Emptying, wherein a prior unity annihilates all felt deficiency or need and my Self, the Self of all, is fulfilled beyond description. These moments, for me, now, generally happen in graced and spontaneous moments of offering service to a person in need or communing with someone and sensing all sense of separation melt in the bliss of the atmosphere of pure Agape, or God-Love.
I encourage you, then, to remain faithful to your devotional practices and meditation. Simply through daily contemplative prayer, which is loving openness to God, you will discover your body, thoughts, words, and deeds become more those of Christ within. You will find God’s will and love being given through your life, but such giving will become freer, more spontaneous, and more clear from selfish efforts and self-referenced motives. You will see, more and more, that the other person is not the other, but, rather, that person, possibly a different race or religion or ethnicity, is your brother and sister, your father and mother, your neighbor, and your friend, yes, your self. Love will love through you, and very beautifully, very gracefully, and with dignity. You will become stronger, because of this Love, not weaker.
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So, I stress strongly, that contemplative practice, as well as all devotional Work, is not an end in itself, alone, but is a means of grace to open your heart to give in pure self-emptying for others. In this self-emptying, you and I learn the paradox: to self-empty is to be filled to overflowing. I urge you, that you not be willful in your efforts to serve others. Do not strain at self-emptying, for that only validates the self trying to empty. Simply, freely, daily, offer yourself in self-oblation to God. Announce your availability to Spirit.
Why not pray a prayer like the following, at the beginning of each day?
Spirit of Christ, I am here. I recognize Your Presence. I have plans for today, but I do not know all You plan. So, I give all my day and its plans into your care, even more I give all my self, even that part of myself that resists surrendering to Your goodwill. I am willing to be made willing to give my all to You. I am available for Your spontaneous compassion to move through me in whatever directions, today, that is needed for the good of another one of your children. Give Yourself to me and through me, and give me grace neither to need credit nor expect reward, nor heavenly bliss. May I in some way, today, so serve another that at the end of the day I shall know You have done something through me that only You could have planned and brought to completion in the way it happened. I love You. In Christ, Amen.
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