The verb "appear" is from Latin ad "to" + parere, and among the meanings is "to come forth, be visible." Hence, appearances are what is visible to us or, by extension, how we interpret them, which may be correct or not. Likewise, we are socialized to judge others based on certain appearances. We see the appearance and already have been trained to a narrative about what we see, such as how a person appears as to dress, the color of their skin, or their size. One might see a person, for example, wearing a cross and think, "There's a Christian," but the cross in itself does not demonstrate that. Yet, we may automatically conclude "cross" equals "Christian." Or one sees a Muslim man and thinks "terrorist," an Asian and thinks "enemy," or a gay person and thinks "sinner." The spiritual life challenges our prejudices, which are prejudgments based on prior training to jump to conclusions based on how someone appears, not on who they are.
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Marina, also known as Mary, Maryana, and Maria, lived in the fifth century. Eugenious, her father, raised and educated her. When she reached marriageable age, Eugenios declared his plan to give all his wealth to her and become a desert ascetic. Marina insisted on following her father in the ascetic life. The father and Marina decided she would shave her head, wear men's clothing, and change her name to the masculine "Marinos" to enter the same monastery as her father. Eugenios gave all their wealth away, and they went to join a community.
Marina became known for her obedience, humility, and devotion to prayer. No one suspected she was a woman but presumed she was a eunuch. She lived with her father in his cave until his death. Afterward, her reputation for hard work and spiritual maturity continued to grow.
One day, the abbot sent Marina with three other monks to visit different monasteries and do business. On their way, the monks spent the night at an inn. While there, a soldier seduced the innkeeper's daughter and suggested that if she became pregnant, she should accuse Marina. After becoming pregnant, the innkeeper's daughter said Marina had seduced her and fathered the child. Not revealing her identity, Marina accepted the charge and implored for forgiveness. The abbot expelled her. She started living right outside the monastery gates.
After birth, the baby was brought to Marina, and she accepted him as her own. The child and she lived outside the monastery gate for four years. She often requested readmittance and frequently confessed to others her sin of fornication. The community was deeply moved by Marina's continual appeals to reenter. Eventually, the abbot admitted her back, and the child and she lived inside the gates. Marina accepted the lowest rank among the monks and resumed her adherence to simplicity and austerity.
Only at Marina's death did the community discover she was a woman. The abbot lamented his treatment of Marina, realizing mere external appearances led to his treatment of Marina.
Marina was canonized as a saint. She is known as one of the oft-forgotten Desert Mothers - in the early centuries of the Christian religion.
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There are lessons to be gleaned from this touching account of Marina. Among them is that of the abbot. How prone we can be to misjudge another based on appearances rather than allowing ourselves to see through that. We need a mindful space within, a gap in thought, to see how we were caught by our prejudice. In that space, we can learn not to react based on our ingrained opinions. We become more compassionate, more thoughtful. As the wise saying cautions us, appearances can be deceiving.
Society creates illusions by categorizing others as though a label is what they innately are. Religion and politics do this. I came up in a religion where one was "saved" or "lost," for example. So, I was trained to see the world within those two words. We can reduce a person to their affiliation with a political party, as though that explains them. We can do this with gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, ethnicity, race, and economic status. No one can be reduced to an appearance: we each are much more than that.
Sitting with inmates weekly in group, I see they are so much more than an inmate and what led to their incarceration. I could not facilitate the group if I reduced them to how they appear. I perceive there is a wonderful being underneath the appearance. I believe in what they are before anything they have done or not done. By doing that, I can invite them to see they are more than how they appear to others or themselves. Possibly, by their seeing they are more and trusting it, they can step closer to newness of life.
I, too, need people who care for me enough to reflect back to me the more I am. We all need persons who see us beyond appearances. We can all be mirrors for others, even as they can be for us.
How does Marina's story speak to you? What wisdom do you hear for your life?
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*(C) Brian K. Wilcox, 2023. Permission is given to use photographs and writings with credit given to the copyright owner.
*Brian's book is An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love. The book is a collection of poems Brian wrote based on wisdom traditions, predominantly Christian, Buddhist, and Sufi, with extensive notes on the poetry's teachings and imagery.
*Story of Marina based on the account in Laura Swan's The Forgotten Desert Mothers: Sayings, Lives, and Stories of Early Christian Women.
