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Later, in his study and with his brother, Warnie, Lewis laments his situation. He remarks that he has just had an experience, and that "Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn. By God you learn."
Weeks later, Lewis and Warnie go to the university club to socialize with Lewis' colleagues. Everyone expresses condolences. One of Lewis' friends, Harry, attempts to console him. He says that “only God knows why these things have to happen." Lewis replies, "God knows, but does God care?" When Harry reminds him that we now see unclearly, that we cannot be expected to know all things, for we are not the Creator, Lewis' frustration rises. He responds that as creatures we are like rats in God's laboratory, that God is experimenting on us. When Harry tries to respond, Lewis, who usually welcomed debate, cries out, "No! It's a bloody awful mess, and that's all there is to it." Recognizing that he is ruining the evening, Lewis excuses himself and returns home.
There are several lessons in these scenes. One is how to relate to others who are going through much suffering. Lewis got some of the typical responses, things like, “We just don’t understand, but there is a purpose,” and “Well, just keep with the faith.”
Lewis, however, reciprocated with Joy’s son, Douglas, in another way of responding to another person’s immense suffering. The little boy is sitting in the attic, in front of a wardrobe he desperately wishes could be a pathway to another world. Lewis sits next to Douglas. Lewis begins his talk with Douglas by recounting his mother’s death, when Lewis was only 9 years old. He tells Douglas that he prayed for her recovery, but that she died, anyway. Douglas replies, "It doesn't work," and Lewis agrees. He says to the child, "It doesn't seem fair does it?" Douglas cannot understand why his mother had to get sick. Lewis tries to explain to him that life here is temporary, that we cannot hold on to things. Douglas asks him if he believes in heaven, and Lewis says, "Yes, yes I do." Douglas, however, does not, but wants much to see his mother again. Finally, Lewis and Douglas embrace each other, falling to tears in the full embrace of two persons who lost the woman and person whom they most loved in this life.
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The Book of Job has often been used to demonstrate how not to relate to persons in deep suffering. Job’s three “friends” offered platitudes, theology, and denunciations of his suffering. None of it worked, for Job did not need any of those intellectualized and theological approaches to his suffering.
Douglas and Joy, unlike Lewis’ colleagues, offered the help each needed in their time of immense grief. They were honest about their shared thoughts, and they held each other arm in arm, willing to let their tears flow over each other.
Exercises
1. What do you need from other persons when you are in deep grief?
2. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by a family member or friend’s suffering?
3. Do you know someone suffering or in grief that you can help? How might you be able to help?
4. What are little things you can do, indirect ways, which can help when you do not seem to be able to help directly?
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